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Sunday, November 15th, 2009

Time:12:02 pm.
i am really hurt right now.
i feel like a bad person, when i dont even know what i have done wrong.
i feel annoying, like a nuisance...like the kid that everyone talks to because
they feel bad, but when it really matters, when i really need someone..no one is there.
if i did do something wrong, or if there is some quirk i have that really gets on peoples
nerves..i wish that someone would let me know.
i wouldnt get mad, i wouldnt get defensive, i would change...i would do anything to have best friends again.
to have someone to talk to about anything, or someone who wanted to come hang out with me even if we really had nothing to do.
i want someone to have inside jokes with, i want my friends back.
everything is going so well for me right now.
good job, house, kitten, boyfriend.
but every single day i get online, looking for just one person that will talk to me..and no one does.
it is so unfair, because i cant do anything about it.
they are all already gone, and theres nothing i can do to change that.
dont lie to me anymore, tell me whats wrong...tell me how to change things so i dont have to feel so lonely.
because thats what friends do.
if you were ever my friend to begin with, you will understand why i feel this way.
you wont get all mad, or say i am overreacting when im not.
the fact is, im hurt...and friends are supposed to help you get through things..
not get mad at you whenever you tell them you feel alone.


i dont know what i expect to get out of writing this, but who knows..
maybe someone will surprise me.
1BANG BANG! SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Time:11:26 am.
seriously, stop talking. your wisdom is retard wisdom.



i am sitting in a tiny apartment, surrounded by tiny cats and a best friend in chicago. life is pretty cool right now.
1BANG BANG! SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Time:1:08 am.
i'm scared. super scared.
but unbelievably excited.
please dont hurt me.
please, please, please dont let me down.
dont be like the rest of them
treat me better this time,
and i will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
2BANG BANG! SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Time:12:08 pm.
making me feel like shit about being happy doesnt seem like the right thing to do.
but i guess, me being happy isnt enough for everyone.
if i made a mistake, i made a mistake.
i just wish i had some support. thats all.
1BANG BANG! SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

Time:1:10 pm.
im so happy to have all of you in my life.
i love you.

every single one of you
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Friday, April 10th, 2009

Time:10:43 am.
you are all going to hate me.
very, very soon.


it will work this time.
2BANG BANG! SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

Time:12:44 am.
tonight was fucking sweet.
metal solo night for sure.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Time:5:58 pm.
if i found a new sort of plant, i would name it shut the fuck up and stop asking me stupid questions.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Time:7:52 am.
you let me down.
i puked this morning.
i feel like shit.
fuck you.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Monday, April 6th, 2009

Time:9:19 pm.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:8:06 am.
i am fighting the urge to talk to you right now.
just send you an email and tell you i dont hate you.
i need you to know i dont forgive you, but i dont hate you.
i never wanted it to end like this.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

Time:7:27 pm.
this whole situation is just so unfair.
the fact that this is so much easier for you than me makes me feel like i shouldn't be so distraught over someone who couldn't care less about me.
and knowing that you are never coming back, tells me how much you loved me.
it sucks finding out the person you would die for wouldn't take a scratch for you.
this whole fucking situation is one big fucking joke.
i hate you so much for this.
i hate you so much for what you did to me.
i hate myself for what i have done.
to you. to myself. to everyone.
i dont forgive you, i miss you.
the real you, not this one...not anymore.
all i wanted was for you to be happy.
all i wanted happiness.
i dont know where i went wrong, i dont know what i did.
i just wanted to make you happy. thats all.
and you dont believe me, but i tried so hard to be perfect for you.
and this feeling of failure is too much for me to handle.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:6:33 pm.
one day you will understand.
god i hope you are good enough to understand.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:2:00 pm.
i think i have the power to turn decent boys into tools over a long period of time.
this is the second time it has happened.
and i need help.
Mohinder Suresh, where are you when i need you.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Saturday, April 4th, 2009

Time:10:34 pm.
i feel a lot better than i thought i would after today.
a lot better.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:3:47 pm.
i hope you realize i did it because i had to.
i'm not sorry for the things i said. but i am sorry for how i said them.
and i hope you understand that being mean like that was the only way i could make sure you never spoke to me again.
if it were any other way, we would never be able to be sane.
this was fucked. we were fucked. it was all fucked from the beginning.
i just need to live my life without you, without all of this hurt.
without the waiting, without the sinking feeling in my gut.
i need to get to the point where i can say, "i just dont care anymore" and mean it.
I need to feel ok being alone. i need to accept the fact that its over.
and i can't do that when you are around. because i am still in love with you.
and i need to get away from it. i can't love someone who doesn't love me anymore.
and i cant deal with the pain of feeling so unimportant.
i know this hurts me more than it hurts you, and i need to get to the point where that doesnt kill me as much as it does.
i do not forgive you for what you did. and i do not forgive you for how you did it. but i can't hate you for wanting to live your life. and i can't be mad at you for falling out of love with me.
there are some things we have no control over.



if you love something, let it go. if it comes back, it was meant to be. if not, fuck it.

i dont know if you will ever come back. i dont know if i will ever let you.
right now, it feels like pretend love.
right now, i dont think you are ever coming back.
but that is something i have been preparing myself for, for a while.
and it will hurt, and this kills. but we will both be better for it one day.
whether we are better together or better apart. we will both be ok one day.
1BANG BANG! SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:2:54 pm.
step one.
erase you from my life.
step two.
breathe.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:1:21 pm.
disgusting.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:10:55 am.
i think you are getting this situation backwards, cockring.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

Time:8:14 am.
just counting down the days.
SHOOT me from my good side*(&$%^*

LiveJournal for ohgollygeez.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (ourspace).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.