ohgollygeez (ohgollygeez) wrote,

i hope you realize i did it because i had to.
i'm not sorry for the things i said. but i am sorry for how i said them.
and i hope you understand that being mean like that was the only way i could make sure you never spoke to me again.
if it were any other way, we would never be able to be sane.
this was fucked. we were fucked. it was all fucked from the beginning.
i just need to live my life without you, without all of this hurt.
without the waiting, without the sinking feeling in my gut.
i need to get to the point where i can say, "i just dont care anymore" and mean it.
I need to feel ok being alone. i need to accept the fact that its over.
and i can't do that when you are around. because i am still in love with you.
and i need to get away from it. i can't love someone who doesn't love me anymore.
and i cant deal with the pain of feeling so unimportant.
i know this hurts me more than it hurts you, and i need to get to the point where that doesnt kill me as much as it does.
i do not forgive you for what you did. and i do not forgive you for how you did it. but i can't hate you for wanting to live your life. and i can't be mad at you for falling out of love with me.
there are some things we have no control over.

if you love something, let it go. if it comes back, it was meant to be. if not, fuck it.

i dont know if you will ever come back. i dont know if i will ever let you.
right now, it feels like pretend love.
right now, i dont think you are ever coming back.
but that is something i have been preparing myself for, for a while.
and it will hurt, and this kills. but we will both be better for it one day.
whether we are better together or better apart. we will both be ok one day.
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